The Diary
by luvin-the-coffee
Summary: When Lorelai stumbles upon an old diary in her attic she is drawn into events of the past, and finds herself reliving a complicated love triangle that she had to untangle long ago. This is a Lorelai Luke Christopher story, chapt 3 is up!
1. Memory

**The Diary**

**AN**: This is a Luke, Lorelai, and Christopher story. It takes place when Lorelai is about 66 years old and retired, but mostly in the past with flashbacks. She stumbles upon an old diary in her attic which brings back memories of a love triangle that she had to untangle in the past. This story was inspired by the notebook....if you haven't seen it SEE IT!! I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: do not own any of the characters in this story

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She picked up a dusty book that lay among other antiques in the attic. It was entitled diary in gilded font with flowers encircling the cursive. The pages were yellowed with age and she suspected that it had last been confided in about 30 years ago. She thought back to when she had received this book. It had been her twelfth birthday and she had been shopping with her mother. While she had begged for the diary with a lime green cat that said "keep your paws off' in pink chunky letters, her mother had bought her this instead. She chuckled to herself. She hadn't written in it, but had sneaked out to buy the other more chic diary with the birthday money from her father. It wasn't until about 24 years later when she had stumbled upon this diary at the bottom of her desk drawer had she begun to find solace within it's pages. These were the times when she needed the diary the most.

She flipped through the pages deep in thought, noting that only about 50 pages were filled. She turned to the first page and began to read.

"_Dear diary,_

_Today Luke picked a piece of straw out of my hair. I almost had a heart attack. At first I thought there was a piece of gum there or something, but when I saw his hand coming down with a piece of straw I felt this weird fluttery thing in my stomach. That confused the hell out of me. What's so special about straw? I actually think it was the fact that HE was pulling something out of my hair that took me by surprise. It always seems like Luke tries not to touch me. Not like I'm a leper or anything, but it's like I'm one of those diamonds with the invisible security system locked around them and if he touches me then he'll...I don't know.. I could've sworn that I saw some James Dean picking a piece of straw out of a girl's hair in an American classic. Casa Blanca? No. Gone with the Wind? Ummmmm....maybe it's just that the whole idea of someone pulling a piece of straw out of your hair is ROMANTIC. It's like they want to try as hard as they can to make sure that you are absolutely comfortable and if you have straw in your hair then you might be itchy so of course they'd pick it out for you. Or maybe I think it's romantic because it means that the person picking it out wants your hair to look perfect. Though, when I considered both of those possibilities I freaked out because this is Luke I'm talking about and Luke and I share a strictly platonic relationship. So maybe he was picking straw out of my hair in a strictly platonic way and for strictly platonic reasons. But, I somehow don't think that the whole straw picking incident WAS an act of platonicy (I made that word up ï). There was something about the way his hand lingered near my head for just a split second longer then it should have and I could've sworn that my heart stopped when his fingers grazed my hair. I'm not going to think about this anymore, especially since I have suddenly become intensely aware that I have wasted the first two pages of my diary writing about straw. I have to go now, Rory's calling me down for dinner. I hope we're not going to Luke's, but then again maybe if I plant a pipe cleaner in my hair I can get the scope on what it was really all about. Oh and by the way diary, Luke invited me to his sister's wedding and I'm debating whether or not it was a platonic invitation. Ok, I'll shut up now. _

_Lorelai"_

She chuckled to herself and moved onto the next entry with a smile dancing on her lips.

"_Dear diary,_

_I went to the wedding. Things are weird, actually more like uber- weird. Let's start at weird number one. When I arrived at the diner dressed in my fruity renaissance outfit (specially requested by the man of the hour himself) Luke told me that I looked beautiful. I grinned and returned the compliment. I'm used to that kind of attention from the male population in general, but NOT from him. Like I said in my first meaningless babble, I always assumed that Luke had a radar or a filter or something in his brain and that that was why he kept his Lorelai flatteries at the minimum. But today I was proven wrong yet again. Luke has never told me that I look good. Ok maybe once. Fine, twice. But that's just good, I mean even Michael Jackson looks good on his better days. Luke told me that I looked BEAUTIFUL, and I was completely flattered and completely dumbfounded and completely confused all at the same time. Sure, my fruity outfit wasn't from K- mart and I had spent half the day making myself a pretty flowery crown, but did all of that really deserve a compliment over anytime before? I don't think so. _

_Things only got weirder from there. While participating in small – talk I mentioned seeing Jess reading a self- help book. I made a few jokes about it, because you gotta admit those things are kind of pathetic. Luke got defensive and said that he thought it was good that the little punk was trying to help himself and stuff like that. For a few minutes he met a new level of Luke weirdness. This far outran the straw- picking and beautiful- calling. If I could've named one person on the face of the earth who would kiss a toad before getting into a self- help book or even claiming that they were useful, it would be my dear old hermit friend. He shuns town festivals, he gags over women breast- feeding, and yet he can find it within him to come to the defense of those who need to bring a book with them on their first date. He will never cease to amaze me. _

_There are only two weirds left I swear. _

_LUKE CAN WALTZ!!!_

_That needs a whole new line, reason being, Luke can waltz...and Luke asked me to join him in the waltzing. Before he said he couldn't dance. Then he said he was a compulsive liar. Then he offered me his hand, led me out onto the dance floor and WE WALTZED. At first it was really awkward. I couldn't stop giggling and when I glanced at him, he had this crazy expression n his face, that sort of hinted towards expectancy, though of what I have no idea. It took about half a second for me to loosen up, I still tried to avoid his eyes though, because this was way out of my comfort zone....and I somehow felt afraid. I felt like if I met his eyes they would reveal the reasons why he had asked to dance to begin with and I just didn't want to accept those reasons or acknowledge them. I still don't want to. I don't know what was going through his head when he asked me to dance or when we finally made eye contact. That was the most intense moment of the entire night. I don't even know how to describe it. He was SO close to me and his eyes seemed ten shades darker then usual and I was sure that he was seeing right through mine because he was boring holes in my sockets and I knew he could feel my heart thundering because I was pressed up against him but I didn't really care because I thought he was going to kiss me and that would matter a lot more then him knowing that my heart was about to cross the speed barrier but then he tilted his head side ways and he didn't kiss me and I breathed a huge sigh of relief internally, not externally because I didn't want him to hear and think that I hadn't wanted him to kiss me when really I had. That feels so much better. I don't know what I'm going to do with all of these new feelings that one dance aroused in me. If it hadn't been for the last weird thing that happened, I probably never would've written all of this down, but instead would have marked that dance as a need for Luke to exercise his dancing rights after years of holding his boogie talents in. _

_He walked me home. I didn't even consider that it was a first date kind of walk home, until he asked me if I wanted to see a movie sometime when he dropped me off. I think his exact words were "Why don't we do this again". HA. Classic. I totally babbled in reply when he mentioned a movie coming up with excuses like he wasn't a movie kind of guy, but in the end I accepted. I stared after him as he left. I wondered if Luke had just asked me out but knew the answer. Indubitably Watson. So, in the end this entry comes down to this; I could be dating Luke or I could be freaking out and assuming that Luke asked me out when he didn't. But either way I never want the memories of today to be forgotten, because as much as I hate to admit it, it made me realize that I can't keep running away from things that I've been anticipating in my heart for a really really long time. _

_Bedazzled Lorelai"_

Lorelai smiled again. She spent the next ten minutes reading various accounts of events that still stuck in her mind whenever she remembered her and Luke. There were three pages devoted to a play by play of their first two kisses; she distinctly remembered writing these to keep occupied the night that Rory lost her virginity. There was a recount of their first date. Their first- she read these pages with a goofy grin on her face, unbelieving that she had gone in to such detail when this diary did not have a lock. Finally, she stumbled upon something that interested her immensely. It was here that she began to relive the memories not just recall them. The events seemed so trivial recorded on paper, when quite contrary this entry had been written at what she would always remember as the beginning of one of the most life altering months of her life.

"_Dear diary,_

_Chris is back. He and Sherry got a divorce. It was his free spirit driving him all along, I knew they'd never last. He came to the door just as I was having a shower and Luke was getting dressed. Luke got to the door about five minutes before me. NOT GOOD. Chris walks in the door and everything changes. The instant I was down those stairs, Chris reached out to pull me into a hug, but Luke caught my arms and guided me protectively in front of him. It was like a game of invisible tug- a- war. I was shocked to say the least. For about two minutes we all just stood there in silence. Finally Chris said "You look good." And Luke said "It's the afterglow" and I blushed and Chris crossed his arms over his chest and asked if I could talk to him privately. Luke held onto me tighter, but I somehow convinced him to leave, swearing that I would call him the minute "the business was sorted out". I turned to Chris the second Luke shut the door. He made some blatant comments about how he felt about Luke. I got down to the truth. He needed a place to crash until he could move into a condo that he was going to be sharing with a friend until he found a place of his own. I stared at him. What about his job? He could commute. What about Sherry and the baby? She wanted him out of the house "because she was mad at him for ruining the marriage." I caved. Chris can turn on the charm like no one I've ever met. _

_He's taking a shower right now. Rory doesn't know yet and I told Luke it's just temporary. I don't know what to do. Chris is Mr. Complication, not to mention my first love. I DON'T want him to screw things up with me and Luke. What we have going right now is so good and I don't want to put our relationship in the path of danger when I'm finally in something that I don't feel like running away from. I can't chance Chris ruining things. I care about Luke too much. I think I might even love him. But the thing is that I love Chris too and with him it's always been a different kind of love then with anyone else.....it's always been so passionate and whimsical and perfect. I'll always love Chris and that's why I don't want him near me. He does things to me that no one else can. I suspect some complications if he hangs around for too long. I really really really wish that he hadn't come. Then again, maybe him being here will strengthen Luke and my relationship. I guess I'll have to wait and see._

_Lorelai"_

She closed her eyes and set the book down. She allowed herself to drift through her subconscious and found herself riding the rocky road that followed the diary entry. Little had she known when she had written this how completely wrong and right she had been.

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**AN**: That's it so far!! I'm leaving you in suspense...but I will DEFINITELY update because I feel good about this! Please review and tell me what you think should happen next!!


	2. Tension

**AN**: Thank you so much for the amazing feedback, I took both it all into consideration, and hopefully the outcome is pleasing. I'm thinking that this is going to have quite a few chapters, and I hope that you like this one! This is a flashback...you'll catch on. Enjoy!

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Lorelai pounded the button down as soon as the alarm jolted her into consciousness. She wiped her eyes and lay staring at the ceiling for a moment. Things felt different this morning, and suddenly she realized why. Luke was not lying in bed beside her, she wasn't securely wrapped in his arms. Lorelai was momentarily confused, until yesterday's events came flooding back.

Luke hadn't spent the night because of Chris. He hadn't come over for dinner because of Chris. He hadn't brought her over six o'clock coffee in a thermos because of Chris. Lorelai groaned and pulled the covers tightly over her head. They were flannel, and just as she tried to clear her mind she was instantly reminded of Luke again.

How could it be that she was already pining for him when they'd spent less then a day apart?

She struggled out of bed, unleashing herself from the flannel cocoon. She needed to see Luke, reinforce that the Chris situation was only temporary. She was pretty sure that he was concerned about her first love being there, not because he doubted her loyalty but because he knew her as a woman who acted on pure impulse.

Lorelai left her room and tiptoed down the hallway, very aware of the loud snoring coming from the guest bedroom. As tempted as she was to glance into the guest room where Chris was sleeping peacefully, she ignored the urge; she wanted to avoid him pulling on her heartstrings as much as possible.

She made it down the stairs, slipped her coat on and laced her running shoes before opening the door and shutting it quietly behind her. Halfway down the street she fumbled in her pocket and drew out a piece of gum, more excited and nervous to see Luke then she had probably ever been.

!!!!!!

"Buenos Diaz Senor Sexy," Lorelai chirped as she slid easily onto her stool at the counter stool. Luke who had been busying himself at the back counter, turned and grinned faintly at her.

"You're like this without the coffee? Should I be confiscating the Prozac by this point?"

Lorelai smiled devilishly, reached out, and yanked him towards her by the collar of his shirt. She caught his lips in a passionate kiss. He was first to break away, but she held him close, so that she could feel him smiling against her lips.

"Hi," she breathed.

"Hi," he replied huskily.

Lorelai let him go, satisfied with his response.

"Public displays of affection are generally frowned upon in this Diner, but I suppose that since you, Lorelai, are said Diner owners girlfriend, they have suddenly become acceptable?"Kirk demanded from a stool two away from Lorelai's. Apart from him there was only an elderly couple by the window in the diner. They too looked mildly surprised in reaction to Luke and Lorelai's embrace.

"Shut it Kirk," Luke replied, and Lorelai smiled again. She loved it when Luke growled like that. He had so much authority.

"Meet you in the storage room in 2 minutes," she whispered in his ear as he leaned in to pour her coffee. She noticed that he stiffened, but then subtly nodded his head and continued pouring the coffee.

When Kirk was once again enthralled in his Lucky magazine and the couple at the table was engaged in conversation, Lorelai slinked through the counter and with a quick wink in Luke's direction headed down into the storage room. She didn't have to wait long before Luke made his way down. He glanced at her for a minute, unsure what her intentions were, but when she cocked her finger at him he clued in and swept his arms around her.

Lorelai kissed him hungrily, all the time wondering how their passion had stayed so measurable when they were in the second month of their relationship. They were past the "honeymoon phase", but for them, Lorelai noted with satisfaction, the after stages were just as satisfying.

Luke broke away and trailed kisses down her jaw line and neck as his thumb traced lazy circles on her back. She groaned, and drew her head back so he could get better access as he reached for her pajama buttons. Before giving herself into pleasure she made a last attempt to remember why she had come here.

Not just to seduce Luke, but to.....

"Chis," Lorelai said, thinking out loud. Though instead of it coming out the way it had been pronounced in her head, it came out in a moan.

Luke let go of her and backed away as if he had been stung. His eyes were dark with lust but at the same time she saw something flicker within them.

"What the-"Luke began, anger overcoming his initial shock.

But Lorelai began before he had a chance to voice his assumptions.

"No. No....hahaha, so not how THAT meant to come out. Before we get down and dirty with the pickles, I wanted to talk that situation over with you."

"Oh." Luke said. But he still looked hurt and slightly dubious.

Lorelai thought the best plan of action to take would be to continue on the plan of action so that he forgot the moaning thing. She didn't want Luke to assume things, especially since there was nothing happening yet to base these assumptions on. She gulped. She hadn't meant to include a yet. She didn't know why she had.

"Chris is going to be staying at my place for about a week. And- I just wanted to know if that bothered you- for any reason. I know it means that you can't walk around in the buff, but I think that that will be a pretty easy thing for you to get over." She added smirking.

Luke stared at the shelves behind her for a minute, but then met her eyes evenly.

"No, it doesn't bother me. Not at all. Why would it? We're adults. We're in an adult relationship. I understand that you might have to answer to the call of duty and give a home to your struggling ex. Why would it bother me, IF YOU'RE JUST GIVING HIM A PLACE TO STAY?"

Lorelai could feel the tension building and she didn't like it. She despised it, but she took the easy way out, because she didn't want to confront Luke's real feelings about the situation. She nodded.

"You're right. It shouldn't bother you, and I'm glad it doesn't, because there is absolutely nothing there anymore. I mean, yeah, there used to be A LOT there, but it sort of died with the Pokemon and Britney. So, nothing to worry about my friend, I'm just giving him a place to stay. That's it."

If that was the case, then why did she feel like she was saying this more to convince herself then to convince Luke?

He stared warily at her, but then, giving in just as she had, nodded.

"Great. So, I guess I'll see you tonight then?"

"Yup. Or you can drop by later, anytime this afternoon. Sookie had no idea that my week off would be spent languidly lounging around the house and watching FRIENDS reruns."

"Ok. I'll see you then. Will- uh....."

Lorelai read his mind.

"Nope. He works."

"Good." Luke nodded and forced a grin on his face.

"I better go home actually- to uh- make sure- he knows what's going on-"

"Yeah. You do that." Luke prompted. Lorelai smiled hesitantly at him and went to turn around, but he caught her hand, and pulled her towards him. He kissed her firmly and the words that's he was making an attempt to communicate lingered in-between them.

_You're mine, and only mine. _

It was a forceful message, but Lorelai understood this as Luke's jealousy binge kicking in and was happy that it temporarily displayed itself in a kiss.

"Bye." Lorelai whispered as he let her go. She turned on her heel and left, oblivious to Luke staring after her, expression unreadable.

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**AN**: Sooooo....this is the commencement of Lorelai's flashbacks.....and things can only go down down down from here....mwhahahahahaha.....stay tuned!! (REVIEWS ARE MY COFFEE!!!)


	3. Numb

**AN**: This takes place the night of the morning of Chapt 2. Ummmmmmm....I think I should explain something....this is not going to be following a DEFINITE plotline, and the things that I write about will be probably be randomly spaced out but will be the most important events in the Lulke/Lorelai/Christopher love triangle. The reason why I'm writing it like this and not day by day is 1. Because I'm too lazy to write a REALLLLLY long fic and 2. If Lorelai is flashbacking then she would only flashback to the most important events not all the minor details. Sooooo...on with the fic! Hope you enjoy and thanks again for the feedback!

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Lorelai's eyes were pasted to the t.v. Whoever said that FRIENDS was a captivating t.v. show was a moron. As she watched Monica and Chandler kissing, she almost did a double take because Luke was squeezing her hand so hard that she thought the circulation might stop. She wasn't paying any attention to the t.v., but was 100% devoted to what was going on around her.

So this had been her solution to the mounting tension between her and Luke, and Luke and Chris?

She had sat them down with her sandwiched in the middle and flicked on the nearest DVD at hand, with the notion that if they could at least watch a show together, they could work from there. They were both VERY dubious and it was a completely un- Lorelai like move. Yet, when Chris had walked in to her and Luke making out on the couch, and no one had said a word, she knew that she couldn't deal with this. It had only started yesterday, but it felt like this static air had been hanging in-between all three forever forever, like they had already suffered through the treacherous love- triangle and were all either dumpers or dumpees.

Then she remembered as reality struck down that that could be the situation very soon.

Luke took his hand from her's and wrapped his arm protectively around her. Chris coughed. Chandler made a wisecrack.

"I wish I was him." Lorelai thought bitterly.

Luke spoke and Lorelai felt instantly relieved. She hadn't wanted to be the first to "leave".

"I think I'm gonna go. I've got some shipments to sort out and I have to clean up for tomorrow. I'll call you later, ok?"

Lorelai nodded and smiled in his direction.

"I'll fall asleep waiting."

He grinned and began to get up, but then seemed to change his mind, once eyeing Chris. He leaned back down and kissed her firmly. She felt the butterflies in her stomach multiply and flutter.

Luke stood back up, turned and made for the door, glancing back anxiously as he left.

"Wow." Chris let out a huge breath.

"What?"

"I'm glad that's over."

"Me too, Chandler was really starting to piss me off."

"No. I mean that, that with us."

"Could you BE anymore vague?"

"You know what I'm talking about," he replied, turning to her and smirking.

"I really really really don't."

"That guy's got me on his list."

"Of potential lovers? Because I'm sorry, he told me this morning, Tom Cruise is next in line."

"You didn't feel it?"

"Feel WHAT?" Lorelai asked, becoming exasperated. She was pretty sure that she knew what he was talking about, but she didn't really want to accept that other people were also exposed to what she assumed were her imaginings.

"I think the air actually got heavier in here."

"AHA! The plot thickens!"

He looked at her skeptically before shaking his head and focusing his attention back on the tv., evidently changing his mind about what he was going to say.

Lorelai began to get up, but was held at bay by Chris.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She felt something tug at her insides. This was classic Chris. She'd known deep down that he wouldn't let her leave.

"Welll.....I was thinking of going downstairs to my secret laboratory to construct a zombie, but if you've got any better suggestions, let me know."

"You made me watch this in the first place, now you at least have to finish the episode with me."

"It just finished!"

"And a new one started."

Lorelai regared him skeptically. There was something behind this, Chris's puppy dog eyes and all.

"Fine. Fine. Is it such a sin for me to want to spend a bit of time with you after not getting to spend a minute alone with you for two years?"

Lorelai sat back down.

"You got me Buster, but if you cut anymore time off my lab hours then I'm hunting you down."

Chris grinned at her nonsensical reply and inched just a little closer as she joined him on the couch once again.

Lorelai felt her brain go numb. They sat there in awkward silence. Lorelai had set the trend to babble during t.v. shows, but neither seemed to be in the mood for any worthless small talk. They were just there. Watching t.v. Lorelai reached for the chips that lay on the coffee table infront of them. Chris did to. Their hands collided. They both recoiled embarrassedly.

Lorelai was thinking about Chris and unknown to her, Chris was thinking about Lorelai.

Gradually things began to become less static and Lorelai felt a bit more at ease, but just as she found herself reveling in the comfort level that was developing between them, something else began to worry her.

Chris's arm was around her shoulder.

At first it had just been slung carelessly over the top of the couch. But now it was definitely around her shoulder, and his hand was inching downwards and....

Lorelai dismissed her silly idea. He was just being friendly. Even friends put their arms around each other sometimes.

But if this was just a friendly situation then why did she feel her pulse thumping recklessly and her cheeks flushing as she centered all of her attention on his hands progression and tried to push away thoughts of what they had shared when him and Sherry were engaged.

Lorelai was just about to come up with an alibi to sit farther away form him she heard the door open.

"Mom, I'm home. Oh sorry, is Luke here? I'll just sneak into my room and you won't even know that-"

Rory stopped dead in her tracks as she entered the living room. She gawked at Lorelai and Chris.

Chris stood, "Rory, I'm so glad to see you! Did you get shorter??"

Rory smiled stiffly as he walked towards her and gave her a bear hug. Lorelai didn't now if she was overcoming the initial shock or perturbed because of something else.

"D- dad, what are you doing here?"

"Did your mom not tell you, I'm staying here for a little bit because Sherry doesn't want me in the house." He chuckled, and looked expectantly at Rory.

"Why doesn't she want you in the house?"

"Uh- well- sometimes when families break up- there's a considerable-"

"What? Are you and Sherry-?" Rory's jaw dropped again, but she made sure it found it's place again before her father noticed.

"Yeah- uh-ohhhhh....." Chris glanced form Lorelai to Rory and back.

Lorelai was finished making the "dead" signal with her hand and was now staring at her feet, and Rory was looking at her mother angrily.

"You two TALK, I will be upstairs staring at the ceiling if anyone needs me."

Chris exited and climbed the stairs. Lorelai flicked the t.v. off, vowing to strangle Matthew Perry if she were ever to meet him.

Rory waited for her mother to talk.

"I was going to tell you, seriously, last night when we talked on the phone, and said that you weren't going to be home from Grandma's for another two days of judgment hell or as you put it "bonding". But he just got here and you actually seemed happy for once after the D situation and I didn't want to damper your joy by pummeling you with the news that Daddy was here. Not that I see that as pummeling at all because you SHOULD be happy that your father is here visiting. I realize now that THAT actually isn't the reason that you are looking like a serious Botox job, the reason is that I neglected to tell you that Sherry and dad got a divorce, and that that dad's staying here for awhile, and Rory , you have NO idea how sorry I am."

Lorelai took a deep breath, hoping that Rory would take a minute to swallow all of this before demanding to know every little detail.

"Does Luke know?" she simply asked and Lorelai marked this as one of the times where her daughter's thoughts were completely unreachable through context.

"Uh- wha-?"

"Well, I was wondering about the dented mailbox when I got in and I rated "Luke" and "hissy fit" high up on the list."

"Oh no no no, Kirk backed into it, but why-?"

"I like you and Luke mom, I've never seen you happier, but if it's going to be between him and my dad, then I don't even know where I would start."

"RORY!" Lorelai exclaimed, her daughter always succeeded in making her feel completely exposed.

"You're assuming things."

"Then how come I saw his arm around you when I came in?"

Lorelai gulped and acquired new fascination with the quilt work draped over the couch.

"Don't hurt Luke mom, he of all people has had enough of that."

This was the point where Rory should've made her dramatic exit, but instead she walked over and hugged Lorelai before going outside to bring in her things.

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**TBC**


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